| Contact with the Outside World |
 |
| Articles - DyslexiaCox | |||||||||||||||
| Written by Dyslexiacox | |||||||||||||||
|
We all know we'd be happier if we could sleep, eat, and live at the boathouse, but school and family selfishly get in the way of that lifestyle. So contact with non-rowers is a daily, though harsh and often embarrassing, hazard for coxies and rowers. SITUATION NUMBER ONE: EXPLAINING YOURSELF Often, rowing comes up in ordinary life (OK, we all talk about it all the time, really) and sometimes this means explaining rowing to a non-rower. Rowing itself is easy enough. "Okay, so there's four or eight people in a boat, right, or sometimes two or even one. But anyway, they sit backwards, and then push the boat ahead with their oars, sometimes one and sometimes two each, no, it's not like canoeing, they slide back and forth on these seats on wheels, yeah, it's actually a pretty popular sport, no really, I'm telling you, people do this!" Most people have a vague idea of the sport - at least, they understand how people can move boats around in the water. But bring up the idea of coxing, and you might as well sprout wings and antennae and fly home to the mothership. "No, I don't row, I, uh. Well, I'm what they call the coxie. No, no, coxie. Coxswain. Hey, I'm not joking. PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER TO SUBSIDE. Yes, coxie. I sit in the back of the boat - or the front, but that's not really important - and I steer the boat, and I tell them how fast to row, and at what rate, and...MOST COXIES CONTINUE ON AND ON HERE, BUT THE AUDIENCE'S ATTENTION IS GONE, UNTIL YOU MENTION THE TERM ... COX-BOX. SITUATION NUMBER TWO - A COX BOX IS NOT A "NOVELTY ACCESSORY"All right, so you sit in the boat, they can understand that. But tell them you use a cox-box? Better hope there are no nuns around. One day, at my high school, I happened to yell down the hall, "Hey James! I bought a Cox-Box this weekend! You'll have to see it!" The entire hall fell silent and the crowd parted to let me walk down the hall, looking at me with a mixture of respect and fear. Now, my nonrowing dorm-mates pop around to ask, "Hey Jill, is that cox-box a-chargin?" with lewd winks. Something about the word "cox" sends the uninitiated's minds straight to the gutter. It's always shocking for outsiders to hear boys - or even worse, girls - discussing the size, quality, or characteristics of their coxes. "Frankly guys, my cox is far better than yours. Yours may be smaller, but size isn't all that matters." And always amusing is the call at regattas - "Heavyweight women with cox, get your boats on the water!" I know crews who plan their days around hearing that call. SITUATION NUMBER THREE - YOUR WARDROBE Ever been in a mall in a city when a regatta's in town and been able to pick out the rowers by their uni tans, heavily used and taped-up sandals, and the fact that they're shopping for food, sunglasses, or squirtguns? Rowing changes your wardrobe as well as the rest of your life. First of all, you start buying fleece and spandex (at least up here - I can't speak for those of you lucky enough to live where it's warm year-round). At the boathouse, coxies resembled overstuffed sausages, incased in innumberable layers of spandex, fleece, wool, down coats, and the inevitable rowing jacket with mittens and toque. Often rowers distinguish their coxies by the colour of their toques. SCULLERS PASSING YOU ON THE COURSE : That must be the varsity girl's eight, it's got Jill's toque in the back.Rowers as well have distinctive boathouse clothes. Mostly they're torn and covered in grease. Rowers tend to wear spandex and cotton as a general rule, usually one over the other. Bush socks are also a gutsy fashion statement, although like pogies, they tend to lead to accusations of wussiness. A traditional look is wet socks with taped-up sandals, spandex leggings tucked into the socks, and a spandex shirt under a sweater missing a chunk near the bottom (from getting caught on a screw as the boat is lifted up over heads). Sometimes a toque is added, or even a coat, and they always have water bottles down their pants. (My theory is that they just like it!) Let your mom come to practice, and be prepared to deal with suspicious questions and possibly offers to take you shopping so you don't end up dressing like those funny people. Unisuits are a whole new category of Things People Find Strange About Rowing. The idea of spandex being acceptable, and even popular, is foreign to modern western society (outside of the yoga cult, that is). While the basketball team can easily wear their jerseys to school on game days, rowers wearing unis to school are often asked to go home and get dressed. Unisuit tans are very distinctive, especially when wearing bathing suits. Someday perhaps someone will invent a bathing suit for girls that follows uni tan lines, avoiding beach day teasing, but I fear rower guys will always be screwed. SITUATION NUMBER FOUR : IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING People tend to treat anyone who voluntarily gets up early with intense mistrust. This morning I was stumbling downstairs when someone in glasses clutching a physics text happened to ask me if I was carrying a clarinet. Confused, I looked down and saw the cox-box clutched in my fist. I stared at him blurry-eyed and asked if he'd ever rowed. He hadn't. I debated the possibility of being able to explain the device clearly, then mumbled, "It's for rowing, it's just, this thing, for rowing? you know?" He clearly did not know, but who's gonna argue with a roughly-dressed, well -layered blurry-eyed suspicious person clutching a suspicious black case? Tim Horton's employees will also stare at you with wary eyes when you wander in before practice to grab a coffee. Unlike truck drivers or nurses, kids in sweats have no evident reason to be awake. And our outfits (see above) just do not inspire confidence. As well, early morning driving has different rules than regular driving. It seems that stop signs morph into yield signs, speed limits double or even triple, and creative corner turning can eliminate the pain of stopping for red lights. Normal people, however, usually assume that driving laws before 6 am are the same as driving laws after 6 am. Fools. So in conclusion, once you've been sucked into this crazy rowing world, you are a card-carrying member of a world-wide cult that influences pretty much everything you do. and sometimes there is no way to defend yourself to the outside world. Perhaps we should all be issued "I'm a rowing geek, leave me alone" tattoos on our foreheads. DyslexiaCox
User Comments:
|